Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
