her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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