I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
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josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
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Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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