do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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