i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Is it penis luge time yet?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
