You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
