I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
