in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
