i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
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Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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