I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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