So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize