if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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