She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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