So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
