is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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