I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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