Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
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