Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
