Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize