I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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