and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
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She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
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I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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