90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize