Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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