Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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