there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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