when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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