But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
