All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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