if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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