you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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