There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she was so not down for the gang bang
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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