people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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