All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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