oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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