So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
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If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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