It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize