I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
