Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
