I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
