last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
