Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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