I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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