obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
