Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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