Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
do nipples grow back?
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