What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize