My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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