and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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