If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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