Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
