she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
