I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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