Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
