OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
