I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You took a bar mat shot.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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