Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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