i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
