I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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