This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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