btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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