i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
