just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
