did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
